The return?????

I thought that maybe doing the A to Z thing would get me writing on a daily basis .... it didnt.  I didnt make it past D. D is for Damn lazy. Maybe.

Ive been thinking about why its so difficult for me to make time to write.  Its something that I enjoy doing and I even have moments in which I do it well.  So why dont I write?

The best answer I can come up with is Fear. 

Fear of what?  Well that I might be judged or misunderstood or not any good I suppose.

I think that a lot of it is that I dont want to embarass my family or other people that know me by sharing the possible craziness that goes on in my head.  I suppose that possibility occurs on a daily basis every time I open my mouth.  However, if its just verbal there is that ability to deny the embarassing craziness escaping my mind ...... but when its written down ...... and on the internet where nothing is ever deleted ..... hmmm

I think that ...... I KNOW that for the majority of my life (excluding a few glorious moments when I couldnt contain mySelf)  I have hidden, worrying about what others may think of what I may have to say.

I am ready to let that worry go. 

So yet again I will endeavor to be courageous in the attempt to write on a daily basis ...... wish me luck ...... no better yet .... give me shit when I dont write everyday ...... dont let me hide my Self.

D is for Da Baddest Bitch

Ok so I was having trouble coming up with a 'D' word.  I went to  urbandictionary.com and found:

Da Baddest Bitch.  Sounds like it could be me.  I'm pretty damn Bad (in this context bad is good) and I definitely have Bitch down.

So the definition given is:

A Woman who's swagg is official.

HUH?

Ok so I know what a woman is ....... I am totally W-O-M-A-N.

Buts swagg?  official?

Back to the dictionary .........

Swag:  several definitions here .......... appearance, presence, "off the chain attributes" (oh my) and my favorite ........ undefinable - you either have it or you don't - I will go with this one as its open to subjective interpretation - I can just say I have it.

Official:  Several definitions given for this one ...... I pick ..... a person that is superior and therefore the best (ok I'm still working on humble).

Yeah ok ..... I can say I'm Da Baddest Bitch ....... at least in my own mind.

C is for Care

What does it really mean to care about someone?  For some people I think its just a word that is over used for some self-interested perceived gain.  If we say we care about someone doesn't that make us look better? 

I think that care is a concept that is very much more than a word.  Its a son that was neglected by his father sitting beside his fathers hospital bed.  Its a former lover holding him while he weeps.

Its being concerned about a persons needs - not just the basic physical needs but the emotional and spiritual needs as well. 

Its about letting go when you want to hold on.

Its about holding on when you want to let go.

To care I believe is to love.  And like love we have a responsibility to make sure that when we say we care we really do.

B is for Beat

a generation

            transcends
                          
                           to heartfelt jazz rythms
       
                                              spontaneous prose spontaneous life spontaneous love

                                                                  now now now
                                        
                                                                                                  BEATific

A is for Adventure  -

adventurous spirit takes a chance

apparitions of unknown experience are sought

acctualization of dreams does not appear at the destination


                                                                          but in the advenure

A Poem

waves crash
                       awaken
                               
                                 crazy heartbeats
                                  intimate jazz beats
                                                           
                                                               under moonlight
                                                                                             magic

And now I blog?

I am not sure what I am doing here - I am ignorant of the blogging process - and I do not know what I hope to accomplish here.

I have thoughts and opinions and beliefs that I very seldom get to share with anyone.  I am sure that this is to do with my fear of being judged.  And I am sure also because I live in a small world with few others to connect with and to share with.  So, possibly I can hide behind the anonymity of the internet world to allow access for a release of sorts.

Why do I call my thoughts 'nomadic'?  I love to wander/wonder about this and that.  I think about one thing and then find myself musing about another.  I suspect that there will not be a particular theme to my posts just random wo/andering rambles.

Nomad